Honesty is Not the Best Policy.

June of last year: I go into the Detroit Police recruiting center hopeful for a new job. I filled out an interest card, my criminal background was run then I was asked explained how the process works. I was also asked a few questions including if I have ever done any illegal drugs/substances. I admit to smokin some weed in high school. I was asked about when I was over 18. I said no.

Jump ahead to Tuesday a week ago: I come in from my background interview, which is one interview away from having the job. I fill out a bunch of paperwork, which included the drug question again. I put down the same answer.

Jump to Monday night of this week: I receive a letter stating that I said no to any drug use at all during my pre-screening in June and now I said I did so do to low morals and lack of integrity I am being permanently deactivated from getting a job with the Detroit Police. "Thank you for you interest and good luck in your future endeavors".

I call and speak to my background investigator on Tuesday morning . I'm a bit angry and confused for being called a liar and because I didn't do anything wrong. I calmly explain to her everything. She says she will pull my file and contact me. I received a phone call a short while ago from her stating that she did my original interview(which she had no clue of when speaking to her on Tuesday) She says that she wouldn't have asked me anything about being an adult and that I just said no to the question, that maybe I had forgotten about the marijuana when asked. I said I don't believe I would have but is there anything I can do to fix this, write a statement, come down there and speak to someone, anything. She puts me on hold for five minutes and comes back and says I may(not for sure, but may) be able to start over by filling out an interest card again starting one year from today.
I wanted to reach through the fun and punch her or someone in the face, but I just thanked her for her time and hung up.
So basically, one of the most well known for corruption police departments on the planet called me a liar and to have a good day somewhere other than here, for something that wasn't my fault.

A little over a year ago I was talking to my mom about some crap that was going on and she started to try to comfort me by saying "I knows that it seems like everything goes wrong for you", but she stopped her sentence right there and I started laughing, because she had to correct herself and say "I'm sorry, I don't know why everything does go bad for you, but it can't last for ever." I have friends that joke about my life skills sucking because of all the crap I've deal with.

I have had a pretty crappy go of things for half a decade now and this tops it off.
This is the first thing in a long long long time I have been excited and optimistic about. And I have waited almost a year now to get it to be told to go F*#@ off. I'm done.

I started this blog to try keep a positive outlook on things and looking back on my lack of entries, I realize that I don't have a lot of positive things going on. Besides living itself and knowing that I'm gonna be with Jesus when I die, life pretty much blows. That should be enough(the living with Jesus in my heart, not life blowing). It was for the Disciples. I wish I could think that way. I pray for it all the time. But it isn't me and I fear it never will be.

I need to get out of Dodge. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be all I can be in Iraq or Afghanistan because if I gotta leave the only place I have considered a home since my parents dragged me out of Cali when I was 14, I'm not moving to a different state with hopes of finding a job, I'm not living with my parents again and trying to find work, I'm gonna get as far away as I can and maybe return in 2-4 years with some better outlook and options. Or maybe not return at all. Who knows, but if I'm gonna be miserable, I would rather be miserable where I know I am doing some sort of good every day instead of just on Sundays if I'm lucky. The hope of being a cop, a career/life change, is the only thing that made this last year tolerable. I can't put up with this anymore.

I just wanted to rant to someone, and I'm here alone before I gotta work the next 3 days so you got it blog. I also wanted to say goodbye. It's been nice knowing you, but doubt we are ever going to meet again.