Here we go again.

I'm going to try and do this again. I'm going to try and write some of my thoughts, feelings, and other shenanigans out in a positive form here. It may blow up in my face again, but I suppose I should try to stay positive, even when I keep rolling snake eyes.

Attempting to write here again was prompted by spending the last three hours doing my employee schedule from home while listing to Last.FM on my XBox. I have a friend that primarily works from home and listens to music while he does it. I envy him now, because this was the most stress free/relaxed work I have ever done. I either had to spending an hour driving to and from work to do this or do it from home so I chose to stay here. I'm glad my boss let me. I just finished and started checking my friends blogs and decided to try once again.

I still find myself at a loss for what I should be doing. I guess right now, maybe I'm right where God wants me to be, maybe not. I know that even if I'm not, I'm trying my hardest to be a good example for him. I may fail half the time, but I keep going. I've been in the job I have for far far far too long, but I have been stuck here. I basically make sure people are selling tickets and popcorn properly. Also, I'm good at getting yelled at without losing my temper which is needed for my job. Besides that, it doesn't really serve much purpose. I have wanted to do something that helps people at least in some way real, not just enjoying their movies.

I've been talking to an Army recruiter for a bit now. Waiting for some medical crap to get sorted. I'm gonna call him tomorrow since its too late today. Hopefully everything will be well and I can start moving the process along further. I have no clue if this is what I should be doing, but I'm getting older and the options I have are narrowing further in further with everything. I believe being a soldier is something I can do well, and I will be able to serve my country, people around me and maybe others around the world. I won't feel useless anymore. I won't spend 45-50 hours a week doing a nothing job. All of my family are far away from me and I'm lucky to see any of them once a year, if at all. The few good friends I have I see less and less of all the time. The holidays just depress me. I need to get out of here. I hope this is the way to make it happen. By the time if get out, I will have enough money and free education if I want it, to start over. I won't have to spend 5 more years struggle to keep my head above water.
Some of my friends don't want me to go for fear I might have to fight and could die. This is something I can honestly say I have no fear of. I'm not crazy or delusional enough to think I couldn't die. I'm simply not afraid. I don't want to go off to war and get killed, but it's not something that would stop me from joining the military or being a cop or whatever else. Maybe its because I don't have a wife or kids or someone else that I'm responsible for but the thought of dying doesn't mean much to me. God is going to take me on his time. Afghanistan or a drunk driver here, it makes no difference. I may live till I'm 102 but its not up to me. My parents and sister support me. I believe they do in their hearts, or at least they aren't dumb enough to cause a fight over it.
I pray for peace about this, or for some clear guidance towards something different. So far I have had a little of the first and none of the second. For anyone that reads this and knows me, I ask that you just do the same if you remember me when your speaking to our Savior.