"Hey nitsuj, you wanna come with me and Chris? Were gonna go see a movie!"
-Yeah, I wanna go!!!
"Well hurry up and change you fartknocker! we gotta go."
-Just give me two minutes!
"I will be in the car, hurry up!"
Can anyone guess what happen next?
This 4ft nothing redhead would scurry to his room to change and go running outside. He would walk up to his sister's car and try to open the door. He would find himself staring at a maniacal laughing face, as the car would speed backwards out of the driveway, or he would run outside to an empty driveway.
As our former eloquent President said, "fool me ones, shame on you. Fool me twice...I can't get fooled again." But alas I was over and over again. My sister and I, how can I put it...maybe hated eachother a bit when we were younger, just a bit. I was around 12-14 and she was 17-19.
This was one of the many games we played. Another involved me starting a physical fight with her so that our parents would put me, the 12 year old in a corner, and here the 17 year old in another corner :) I would laugh and laugh under my breath, and she would be saying the most vulgar things under hers.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately and Zombie suggested I post it because it is most funny. Back then it was not, but it is funny now. I am amazed at how God works. I have been struggle with a lot lately but when I think of things like this, I am reassured. When I was 14 my parents moved me to Las Vegas about 200 miles away from my sister. That was the beginning of an actual real relationship with her. Then we moved to Michigan(please don't ask why) and she went and got married to a Brit almost 5000 miles away. Since then we have grown very close. I belive if I never moved away from her we may have murdered eachother, or stopped talking period. The first time I think I saw her in person was at her wedding in the UK almost a year after seeing her previously. The fact that God can use a massive amount of distance to help to people that couldn't stand eachother love eachother is amazing. If God can and does do something like that, what else will He do for me and you?
About Me
- The Red One
- Im a closer to 30 than 20 year old. The first thing you would notice about me is my red(thanks to southpark and The Brits, Ginger) hair. I'm a Christian guy try to sort this place called Earth out in my head and failing most of the time.
Some of my favorite music
4 comments:
I talked to my sister when I was in SK. She was 'mad' that I did not tell her that I was moving so far. We talked a lot while I was there. Then I moved back and even moved into her house. 3 years have passed and I have not seen her more than 3 times in the last year. Two times was because my aunt died. She lives in the same city I live in and I've never been to her new house.
You know Justin, I'm really glad that we are closer now too. I love you.
I think that distance has something to do with that...but I also think that time, hindsight, a growing understanding and just plain old "growing up" have a lot to do with it too.
I think that my problem growing up was that I had a really low self worth which stemmed from the fact that my real father couldn't care less about me. Remember ... I spent the first 6 years of my life without a Dad.
I also spent those years with a Mom who was very loving ... but who also partied alot, smoked weed in front of me, had men around alot, and who struggled with depression. It was a whole other lifetime before you and Dad (Don) came along. She's admitted these things to me in recent years and apologized for being selfish (her words) and exposing me to these things.
Then along comes Don Quick. Two weeks later ... he marries my Mom -who, up to that point, was the center of my world ... and for who, I thought, had me at the center of hers.
They didn't invite me along to the wedding. You think they would have included me in on something that important. I remember watching them drive away to "get married" ... and not knowing what that meant. All I knew is that for the first time, I felt very alone and afraid. Now, not only did my Dad not love me ... but my mom was replacing me in her heart too (or so I thought).
Before Dad (Don) came along I had slept next to Mom in her bed every night of my life. After this 2 week period I was forced to sleep on my own while not understanding why or what was happening. It was a really scary time for me.
During this whole time NO ONE stopped to ask me how I felt, or what I thought ... or let me in on anything for that matter. It was all about what everyone else wanted to do - my thoughts and feelings at the age of 5 and 6 apparently didn't matter.
And you know ... that's fine ... but you can't do that to a kid and expect them to not have some issues to deal with later in life. You know?
Then what's next ... "bam" you're going to have a brother! Like a month after they got married I was like, "What? What's a brother"?
You know what I mean?
So, yes ... I had a little bitterness. And since I couldn't take it out on Mom and Dad (because, let's admit it, at the time anyway, they really couldn't care less) I guess I took it out on you.
You didn't deserve it - at all. If it's any consolation Justin ... I always loved you very much deep down. But I wanted to be hard ... so no one else could screw me over anymore. This is a big part of the reason that I am the way I am even today. Hard, and quick to anger on the outside ... but quivering and self depreciating underneath.
It took several years away from Mom and Dad, and you for that matter, for me to put my finger on all this.
It is what it is. I know that the scars I caused you run deep - because you still think about the things that happened, as mentioned in your blog, to this day. I am so sorry Justin. My anger was misdirected at you - because you were an easy target, and that was wrong.
I can own my part of it and apologize. And I hope that you can appreciate where I was coming from and why I acted that way toward you. Although a teenager ... I was just a kid myself struggling with a lot of difficult emotions. I don't know if you remember me being anorexic - it all ties into the same thing.
I feel that my relationship with you, Mom and Dad has become much better over the years. The difference is that the anger I felt toward Mom and Dad was somewhat deserved. But you didn't deserve the anger I held towards you. I hope in years to come you can overlook how I treated you and know that I'm truly sorry and I truly love you.
I still take a lot of flack from a lot of people about the way I acted as a teenager. But you know ... I'm 34, and I'm not like that anymore. I'm not talking about you .... but I've owned what I did, and the way that I acted, and apologized to many people, time and again, over the years.
I don't know what more I can do. To be honest ... I think it's a little sad that the people who still think it's okay to point the finger at me - don't consider that they might have a few things to own up to themselves. Like considering the shattered feelings of a small child - which later manifested themselves into aggressive behavior in later years.
The difference with you is that you don't have anything to apologize for. You were a loving, smart, happy, cute little boy. You were my brother - and I'm sorry that you had to experience the things I put you through.
I love you so much and pray for you all the time to find happiness. You're my little brother - and I'm always here for you.
ha. the fun things about being the oldest.
Yes ... good times all around.
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